Friday, March 13, 2015

No more babies. It's official.

There's something about having a baby that makes me want a baby.

Maybe it's sleep-starved insanity or mommy hormones or my infatuation with newborns but each time I have a baby I can't bear to think of never having another.

With Julie, we knew we'd have one more, so I probably rushed the baby stage a bit. She was our first and I was anxious to see her learn new things and sleep through the night and become more independent.

. When Johnny was born, however, we were pretty sure he was our last. I rocked that little boy and cuddled him nonstop. I would stare at him for hours in the middle of the night, stroking his soft skin and holding his little hands. I cherished my time with my littlest baby.

But he wasn't our last. We were meant to have another...our little Josie...who is definitely our last. Scott is turning 40 in November and I'll be 37 in June, so we decided to make it official. No more babies for us. After the C-section, my tubes were removed.

That wasn't an easy least for me anyway. While Scott was adamant that we couldn't afford or handle any more children. I wasn't so sure we were done. Of course, at times, two kids seemed like more than enough for us. And I was completely content with our little family, but the finality of tube tying was depressing. Maybe it wasn't necessarily because I wanted more kids, but just the reality that this special time in our lives with little kids is nearing an end. It goes by too fast and maybe I want 10 kids so that I can hold onto that a little longer.

I, of course, came to my 36-year-old senses and agreed to have my tubes removed.

Then came Josie.

Beautiful, sweet Josie who scared me to death by staying in the NICU for a week. We brought her home and I couldn't imagine life without her. I loved her so much, just like her brother and sister and I felt completely thankful that she was here.

I can't get enough of my precious little Josie. I snuggle and sing to her, and in the early morning hours, I stare at her, feeling so lucky, but also so completely sad that I can't just freeze time. And then I think about never ever doing this again.

It's all so fleeting...the time with our babies, so, as an older and wiser mom this third time around, I'm cherishing every little moment and not rushing it one bit.

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