Thursday, October 10, 2013

Don't neuter your dog. I'm serious.

I walked timidly into the office holding my trembling bundle of fur.
It stunk. The receptionist scowled at my whimpering pup. She smugly shoved a list of fees into my naïve hands, as I pretended to not look completely horrified.
I know I'm new at this whole dog thing, but someone please explain to me in detail about the pressing need to neuter animals who live in decent homes. I understand we don't want a litter of unwanted pug puppies running around Lake Zurich, but it's highly unlikely this scenario would play out with our puppy who we never let out of our sight. Besides, pug puppies are cute, right? Then, I know there's the issue of behavior--- the removal of manhood is bound to calm a dog. So, those are the pluses.

Well, here are the minuses:
1. My poor puppy is completely bruised and battered down there.
2. It's gross. Seriously. I can't even look at it.
3. I think my dog hates me now.
4. I just paid $150 for superfluous extras plus the $65 I paid for the cheap Friends of Animals neuter certificate. I know you're going to say you paid $600 for your dog's neuter. Did I mention I'm cheap?
5. My puppy stinks and I can't give him a bath.
6. I have been forced to define "neuter" in G-rated terms.
7. My kids keep asking "What's wrong with Chico's hiney?"

Case closed.

After the chop-chop

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